Comic heresy causes uproar, France wimps out again

by Aleister
Published: Thursday, February 2nd, 2006

A Danish newspaper has seen fit to publish twelve cartoons depicting the Prophet Muhammad, of whom any representation is considered blasphemous by fundamentalist Muslims. But these pictures went a step further, one showing the Prophet in a bar with a rabbi and a priest, waiting for the punch line, another providing a glimpse of him doing what can only be described as "shaking his groove thang."

As the shaking of groove thangs is strictly prohibited by several religions, many Muslims are understandably outraged. "We will be the people with the most restrictions on our behavior," exclaimed a local official in Gaza. Another man in the marketplace nearby, wearing a full head wrap exposing only his eyes, commented, "This sort of cartoon is reinforcing the West's confusion of the peace-loving religion of Islam with the Islamic terrorism that we all abhor. Now if you'll excuse me," he said, shouldering an AK-74 assault rifle, "My help is needed at the European Embassy."

The European Union's response to the outrage is muddled, likely stemming from the fact that only some publications and governments have received bomb threats. In Denmark and elsewhere, an unwavering defense of free speech is the order of the day. The Danish paper that originally ran the cartoons issued an apology for hurt feelings, but held to the principle that it is necessary to suffer blasphemy in a free society. Muslims are expected to take the apology well because Danish is really tasty. Some guy in France, however, apologized to Muslims worldwide, although he later admitted he had no connection whatsoever to the incident. He claimed merely to "care deeply about the feelings of bearded men."

The uproar over this incident and its implications for freedom of speech in the Muslim world are dire, prompting U.S. President George W. Bush, a longtime activist for civil rights, to propose a ban on printing pictures of him with huge, pointy ears. "This ban would apply to both cartoons and photographs, of course," he said earlier today, before Congress. "These pictures cannot continue to be published, because they are an outrage to my elven ancestors, who long ago sailed into the West." After a depressing silence, he concluded, "They wear cowboy hats there."