Democrats lead the way in fantasy voting reform

by Aleister
Published: Monday, June 25th, 2007

Since the horribly botched and underhanded 2004 presidential race, Democrats in Congress have been pushing for widespread federal reform of the nation's voting facilities, to ensure fair elections in the future, if not for your average American, then at least for the electoral college. "It wuz teh total haxx0rz la5t t1m3," commented Princeton University physicist-turned-Representative Rush Holt. "If u dont hav a chanc3, y even play?"

Holt had been leading the charge for voting system reform, but technical and monetary considerations, as well as political concessions have bogged down the reform process so much that nothing will be done by the time of the next election. He has been thoroughly discouraged by the process and needed some way to cope.

"I uzd 2 play a littl3 P0ng back 1n th3 day, s0 i j01n3d a WoW PvP srvr. At l3a5t h3r3, ppl will recognize mah l33t sk1llz," said Holt via private message between rounds of Capture the Flag. "They can h4v3 the st00pid gov't; i dont play w/ haxxors." In fact, Holt hasn't been to a vote in the last two months of the Congress, preferring to remain in situations in which he has more control.

"He's certainly better adjusted these days," said Rep. Holt's mom, whose basement he moved back into. "He used to be a bundle of stress."

Holt's pessimism now is the order of the day on Capital Hill. A growing number of Democrats has joined his guild, "Stop Voter Fraud in Azeroth," abandoning their posts for the more rewarding world of Warcraft. "I don't think that even our votes count anymore," said Representative Steny Hoyer. "Let alone your average citizen's. And forget about it if you're handicapped; your precious government couldn't give a sh*t less, and I'm just done with it. Look, can I log back in now? I'm late for a raid."