President Bush to America: "Read my lips, no new laws."

by Aleister
Published: Monday, August 6th, 2007

In the waning days of the 110th Congress' first session, several noteworthy bills have passed either House or Senate, addressing a broad array of important issues such as immigration, energy reform, and ethical behavior of both elected officials and their campaigns. On every single one, though, President Bush has vowed to deliver a veto. A few years ago, the President's first veto was a big deal. Now, he has warmed up to the concept and has vetoes in a bucket beside his desk to throw like confetti. "Dick gave it to me,” he says. He's so nice."

At first, it seems that Bush's recalcitrance is politically motivated, an attempt to stalemate the Democratic congress. He has one of the lowest approval ratings ever, was rebuked by the nation in the mid-term Congressional elections that went overwhelmingly to the Democrats, and has been nigh-oustered by his own party for "sucking," as Senator Richard Lugar put it. However, "It's not the filthy commie Dems what did it," says Bush. "Sure, I'd like to pull their fingernails off and feed them to 'em, slice off their lips with a bowie knife, slice them all up into little pieces, and feed em to the Pit of Raging Homosexuals beneath the White House, and the reality is, I could, but that's not why I'm vetoing." He tossed a veto slip into the air and shot it, laughing.

"There's no need for this crap anymore. Since when have any of them followed the law? Since when have I? There's no reason to make any more. The people are in line, that's all that matters." It is true that Bush has forbidden his entire staff to respond to subpoenas from the Senate Judiciary Committee to investigate the National Security Agency's practice of wiretapping without a warrant. The President claims executive privilege on the matter. "I can spy on anybody if I feel like it. I can throw em in jail fer bein' cockeyed, and torture 'em til they confess to Holocaust crimes. Law’s really kind of a 20th Century thing."

Mr. Bush does indicate that he may allow a bill through that allows domestic spying. "Might as well, brings it into line with what's already going on. But it won't be called a law. These new ones; they're gonna be called Bushies. Yeah."