Tony “Snow Job” Snow seeks more lucrative position

by Aleister
Published: Monday, September 10th, 2007

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last week, noted White House spin doctor Tony Snow made the decision to step down. Was it a scandal? Had he ousted a bunch of attorneys investigating the administration? Had he helped rig the election? Probably yes, but his stated reason is money. Snow took home a paltry $168,000 of your taxpayer dollars each year as press secretary, leaving him unable to purchase basic necessities like bread and Cessnas. “It’s like J.K. Rowling,” Snow said in an interview. “We both just make stuff up, but she’s a millionaire. There’s something wrong with that.”

But money isn’t the whole story, apparently. Snow remarked, “They don’t pay me enough to put up with Bush. It’s just been getting worse and worse; every day there’s some new screw-up or criminal activity that I have to cover up, and it kind of grates on a guy, you know? It’s like they don’t appreciate what I do at all. The President is taking a sh*t on the lawn right now. What am I supposed to say?”

Running out of ideas in early 2007, Snow recruited some of the writing staff of Saturday Night Live to help him come up with ways to explain the President’s erratic and unethical behavior. “You can’t make up the stuff the President does,” said SNL veteran Conan O’Brian. “It’s pretty literally unthinkable, so that’s going to be a great incubator for TV writers, really get them thinking outside the box.”

Although Snow has not mentioned where he seeks future employment, sources inside the White House say that he is considering starting a fascist sketch comedy troupe.